Feel Good songs – Part I

Some songs I might listen to when I’m feeling down ( which is most of the time !! ) First one is Grace Kelly by Mika and the second one I heard when I went Karaokeing for the first time…Man that was fun!!!!

Hmmm… I don’t know what to call this!!

Okay…my absence must have ensured that noone reads my blog anymore … anyways so I went to see this movie called 10,000 BC ( I usually call it 3000 BC but it doesn’t matter since the people were so advanced ) It was an okay movie, understandable….simple story….I just wish there were more sabre tooth tigers and I was quite aghast at the killing of the mammoth….they are so cute ….I would’ve rather seen all the people die in the movie than that one mammoth….and the prehistoric birds were quite horrifying…Strengthened my fear of birds ( which is not a good thing!! ) I always feel that a bird is going to peck through my skull or my eyes or maybe i should stop before someone throws up …..

So when I was watching the movie, there is this scene in which the hero whatever his name was had to infuriate a mammoth to break his chains that were tying him and charge towards the bad guys… It reminded me of this story which has been used in management lore for quite some time now….about how elephants are chained to a pole when they’re young which is strong enough to hold them but as they grow older, the chain is replaced by a flimsy rope which is even easier to break but since the elephant’s brain has been trained into believing that he’s stuck with the pole , he( or she , i’m not trying to be sexist…maybe i should use it from now ) or it would not even try to break free…..I’m sure most of us would laugh at the predicament of the poor elephant but we would never acknowledge the fact that it happens to us too….countless times with or without us knowing it….we have this voice in our heads….”You should’nt even try doing it because you’re not good enough”, ” I wouldn’t even let you change the lightbulb in my house “( I can’t take credit for this quote, credit belongs to one of the professors from the undergrad institute i studied in..no wonder im so screwed up ) that it becomes hardcoded in our brain. Now it is quite stupid ( my vocabulary sucks i know ) for us to believe that we can change this in seconds……..these negative feelings have been coded in the brain and to remove them would take a lot of time…..but still nothing remedies the situation better than to show ourselves that we can do it……if it is hardcoded in our brain that we can’t do something, the fact that we even did part of it will start reversing the process…..and if we keep on trying one day the same thing we could not do will be stored in the brain as ” as easy as falling off a log”. We always make up excuses, we are too old….our time is gone ( Okay I have been reminded that I shouldnt make my problems universal so i shall start using me instead of us ) but the fact of the matter is, just because our brain has been programmed to do something in some way , it doesnt mean that it cannot be reprogrammed. It is definitely true that it is easier when its younger when we dont have to deal with so much reprogramming but who says its not possible when you become older. Its just a matter of time and patience. ‘You can achieve anything in life as long as you have belief in yourself’ That belief is going to make you strive to achieve the impossible. Challenge yourself. Pull that small piece of rope which ties you to the pole. You will be surprised how weak it is and how strong you are. Your mind has a lot of power. It has made the rope as strong as the strongest of steel. Think the same about yourself and there will be nothing you cannot achieve.

So I finally close this blog entry with a quote i read a long time ago. It is by Marianne Williamson

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Introspection of an artist

Well since I can’t write, Im stealing something from a brochure I found from one of my dad’s exhibitions. My dad passed away when I was 16 and this is a brochure from when I was 15 . Ones perspective changes as we grow up. Sometimes things we didnt like or understand then could just be because we were too young. Like this writing in the brochure which I’m sure I must have just glanced over when I first saw it, makes so much sense now. And it makes me marvel at the brilliance of my father, who could do anything he set his mind to.

‘It seems ages back.. when very young I was asked what the future would be, and my reply was – that of a painter. It was denied then and it took many decades and several twists and turns in life before the goal was reached. Still, it is only a beginning and with Robert Frost one might say … woods are lovely, dark and deep, yet there are miles and miles to go …

Being a self-taught painter has its own peculiar advantages. One is not bound by the norms and conventions of the art-world, he creates his own boundaries. The learning process itself is very diverse : visiting galleries and browsing through books. Decades spent in visiting galleries – enjoying other artists’ works ..  analyzing them and learning from them – has been an education in itself, though of a different kind. Names do not matter to that extent, one learns from the works of art-students as much as that of the known masters. A painting is independent of all such biases. It is good if it is good, it is brilliant if it is so and no more. A painting has a life of its own. As Renoir said, ‘a work of art has to grip the spectator, engulf him, carry him away. The artist communicates his passion with it, it is the current which he radiates, and he uses it to draw the spectator into his passion’. This is true for any good painting whether it is figurative, abstract,realistic or surrealistic. Each painting teaches me something new, and so the process continues.

One reaches his conclusions, sets his own parameters. Personally I prefer to paint figurative pictures. This may be due to my being a die-hard humanist, and my belief that humanism in art and figurative art are one and the same thing. Moreover, subject matter has always been an important aspect for me, and this mostly involves human forms. This does not mean that I paint for a cause, nothing can be further from the truth. My subjects mostly revolve around common people, their activities and problems, only because I can identify myself with them much easily than with the upper segment of society. My sole conscious effort is to be aware of the world around me – every aspect of it whether it affects me or not, and to transfer some of that awareness into my paintings. neither do I believe in ‘obscurism’. A painting should be comprehensible to the viewer. It is true that some element of mystery adds to a painting’s charm, but the latter should not be so much shrouded with it so as to become totally obscure. There should be a balance between fancy and credibility. Spirituality is also something that comes from within by itself. No one can deliberately adopt ‘a spiritual veneer’. A painting reaches a spiritual level not because of its subject matter but because it acquires a spiritual element that comes from the artist’s inner spirituality. A deliberate attempt to spirituality reduces the painting to a mere decoration piece, an artificial pattern. 

Influences have been many and again very diverse. Initially I was fascinated by the Impressionists  and their treatment of light and colors. Later the symbolic use of colors by artists like Matisse left a lasting mark on my paintings. I have spent hours in the Amrita Sher-Gil’s section in NGM, before Hussain’s paintings, and more recently amid J. Swaminathan’s paintings. No one can honestly pinpoint categorically the sources of influences. One may reach a style totally distinctive from all others, yet at the back of the mind so many factors work at tandem that one cannot deny the impact of these influences. Neither can one live in isolation nor can he work in exclusion of all that has happened to him in the past and what is happening around him. 

 Although I do not exhibit a series of paintings, yet there are a few paintings in this exhibition which revolve around the crossing … the signal light. These signal lights have a special meaning for me as they not only symbolize a crossing -from where one may take any of the possible directions, mostly predetermined yet at times unexpected leading to new ventures; but also they are symbolic of control, direction , movement, and civilization. Moreover, at these signals one comes across various aspects of street-life, vendors, beggars, destitute children and celebrities reveling in their privileged exclusive world. One cannot miss being aware of this glaring class distinction so characteristic of our society at these signals.’

The reason I wrote the whole thing up here was for me to have a place to go and read it again. I know that every piece of writing relies heavily on a particular perspective, a context. People reading it might not understand parts of it or all of it. But for me, as an aspiring artist, the words make sense in a way that they didn’t when I first read them. It is a pity that Indian schools or Indian Society does not look that highly upon artists. Their passion should serve as an inspiration to us. Science only affects people who understand it, who are educated. Art doesn’t make that distinction. Even if you are clueless about something, you will have an appreciation for art. It is something we are born with. And maybe thats why the harder it is to become an artist.

Why can’t I write….

Ive been wondering why I havent been able to write a single blog entry in its entirety…I always start one but never manage to finish it….and I kind of know whats stopping me…I’m afraid because I hide secrets….things that take me away from the path people call “being normal”….. It has bogged me down for ages…… but this is one of my efforts to fight back….

The only museum I have visited so far in the US has been the museum of tolerance….it was quite intriguing that a whole museum could be built on this theme….but it was….and I dont know whether I should call it intriguing or sad….that there has been so much intolerance in the world to date that there is a museum which is full of artifacts reminding us of the world we live in…..Numerous people are killed and discriminated against for no fault of their own….the second world war was an attempt by Hitler to  eliminate the Jewish population across Europe….In the museum there was a section which was built like a concentration camp…and a room which was exactly like a gas chamber where people were killed by exposing them to poison gas…3 million jews were killed in this way…..and the reason? jews were an inferior race and had to be eliminated from the face of this earth…including gypsies, the disabled, homosexuals and other political prisoners…….

such mass murder is hard to believe….but it was a reality not long back..it happened .and it didnt stop there….wars, violation of human rights continue in this world…..darfur, iraq…are just few of the places….while we just sit and watch…we dont question ourselves…what can we do…we just exclaim…nothing can be done….what we dont realize is by saying that we are forgetting those people…who went through the torture subjected onto them…..children being punished…not knowing why….and in the worst way possible….

when i learnt about the holocaust in class 10 history…I just looked at it as a 6 point/mark question….but looking at the destruction  that was actually caused…..it is our duty to be educated…about what happened….and to educate others….so that such hateful crimes against humanity dont ever happen again..human beings are the most intelligent creatures on this earth…….we know that diversity is what makes the world worth living in…it is who we are……it is what makes us special….

so inspite of my lack of an ability to write any post coherently…atleast i would try to write one which would reflect what i think….unaltered…unfiltered……and i hope i can show people who i truly am…not someone who’s hiding himself just because the world would view him as different….because at the end of the day…we are all different…and we should be proud of that….

the math geek

so after around 7 months in the USA, I have proclaimed myself a math geek!!! well I already was a math geek in school…..I remember sitting on the train from delhi to jalandhar with my math book solving questions in trigonometry for class 10 when i was in class 9 because I was fascinated by it…..now I guess people know why I’ve been single all this long …

i dont know what made me interested in math…i was pretty bad at it initially…..but as soon as i moved to delhi i immediately became good…was that a miracle…i dont know…..I guess its that one good thing that makes us realize that we actually can be good at something…….anyways thats not the point…so till class 12 i was the stupid math geek who would kill himself coz he got 98/100 instead of 100/100. Looking back it sounds really funny, but I actually used to get so depressed for those 2 points…..

well then there were the iit days…where we were convinced by the professors that we were good for nothing!! we tried to fight it during our first semester but all of us kinda gave up after that…..but since ive come to USC…..the math geek in me is being reborn!.. i swear if i had professors like these when i was in undergrad, id be wearing thick spectacles and coconut oil in my hair and solving math problems for recreation ….well not as gruesome as that picture sounds but yeah…it wouldve been fun…..everybody hated my first math professor at USC except me that is……..he used to come to class with a torn up bag and completely unprepared and muddle his way through the lecture…forgetting things….making mistakes like 2+2=5 and getting completely confused…….but i liked him because (a) he was absolutely hilarious!!! ….. and (b) even though he fumbled with the material and got it right at the end…he was teaching us how to think…unknowingly of course…

so yeah…..math is this funny language of numbers……people really like to generalize….if you’re good in math..you’re very intelligent…i don;t see the correlation….im good in math…im horrible at many other things……..but i’m reminded of this quote by Von Neumann which I find really hilarious

In mathematics you don’t understand things. You just get used to them.

And its so true…think about a mathematical formula….it makes sense only because some guy many many years ago gave something a meaning and you learnt about it and accepted it. And for some reason when applied to what happens around us , IT WORKS!!!!

3.14159 26535 89793 23846 26433 83279 50288 41971 69399 37510 58209 74944 59230 78164 06286 20899 86280 34825 34211 70679 82148 08651 32823 06647 09384 46095 50582 23172 53594 08128 48111 74502 84102 70193 85211 05559 64462 29489 54930 38196 44288 10975 66593 34461 28475 64823 37867 83165 27120 19091 45648 56692 34603 48610 45432 66482 13393 60726 02491 41273 72458 70066 06315 58817 48815 20920 96282 92540 91715 36436 78925 90360 01133 05305 48820 46652 13841 46951 94151 16094 33057 27036 57595 91953 09218 61173 81932 61179 31051 18548 07446 23799 62749 56735 18857 52724 89122 79381 83011 94912 98336 73362 44065 66430 86021 39494 63952 24737 19070 21798 60943 70277 05392 17176 29317 67523 84674 81846 76694 05132 00056 81271 45263 56082 77857 71342 75778 96091 73637 17872 14684 40901 22495 34301 46549 58537 10507 92279 68925 89235 42019 95611 21290 21960 86403 44181 59813 62977 47713 09960 51870 72113 49999 99837 29780 49951 05973 17328 16096 31859 50244 59455 34690 83026 42522 30825 33446 85035 26193 11881 71010 00313 78387 52886 58753 32083 81420 61717 76691 47303 59825 34904 28755 46873 11595 62863 88235 37875 93751 95778 18577 80532 17122 68066 13001 92787 66111 95909 21642 01989

if you can remember the first 60 digits of this number…..welcome to the world of math geeks (i’m still preparing for my orientation )

Heres a useful mnemonic for you aspiring math geeks…just count the number of letters in each word……and voila..you have 30 digits of pi……i dont remember more than 5….my classmate remembers 60…to clarify

How I want a drink, alcoholic of course, after the heavy chapters involving quantum mechanics. One is, yes, adequate even enough to induce some fun and pleasure for an instant, miserably brief.

A phoneless existence in the US

Well first of all….I am expecting a warm welcome since Ive come out of my non blogging coma after 6 months…im sure people would be ready with chappals to give me gpl’s…thank god for this being online

so i lost my phone…whats the big deal in that…..well im in the US and losing a phone is like losing your identity…..i guess that would be true even in India right now…I mean its hard to imagine that 5 years ago we didnt have cell phones, computers , internet…how can anything change so dramatically over 5 years? and is it a change for the good or bad……i dont know….and its hard to think about coz we are so absorbed in these things……think about it…if someone took your laptop/computer , mobile phone, ipod for one day..what would you do? have they become as integral to your life as breathing that living without them would be impossible…i tried doing that without my phone for a week(not voluntarily, i lost it and getting a new one cost a lot of money …

well since noone calls me i guess i was fine…..but imagine having no laptop or phone in this age…..we would have no idea wht to do with our lives…we would actually have to go out and live…shudders…and thats a truth..we have become slaves to this IT age….. I had gone to visit my aunt and she was telling me how she had no tv , computer, internet or cellphone when she was young………and you know what my guess is…which is most probably true…she mustve had a blast!!

The first time you ever met anyone…..

We’re all supposed to learn from our mistakes……like think about stuff we did wrong and not do it again or try to find what was good in it so that we could say that “at least something good came from it” or look back at it and say…well everything happened for the best….coz you can never predict the consequences…..but what about the times when something great happened to us…we always forget the things that set things in motion….the first instant…as the path forward is so exhilirating that we always get stuck there….

to be specific, i was thinking about the first time i met my best friends in the whole wide world ( which is true as they’re all spread out miles away all over the place ) …….. and my reactions to what happened at that time ….

Prabh : Class 10/11 Senior Maths Olympiad prize distribution. They made us sit in a line so that when the person who was supposed to give us the prizes called us our names we would go in a straight orderly line so that there was no chaos and no waste of time ( Mathematicians are geniuses ) So voila….me and Prabh land up next to each other……Prabh in his most serious tone (seriously dude…i dont even think i heard you laugh for the first two years in dps rkp) asked me and another guy whether we went to dps rkp…and he was thinking of going there……..and after the 3-4 minute conversation everything started…..who knew …..8 years later… we’re like the best friends ever….fate has ways doesnt it

Charu : First year IIT Kgp…well she was in my department after all…so it was inevitable we were going to meet sometime…. the setting central library main foyer….i was sitting doing something when charu comes up to me with this big fat mechanics book ( shames i think it was) and asks me the explanation for some mechanics problem which i still dont know how to solve…(ok guys..we’ve established how big a muggoo charu really is ) …so she completely managed to embarass me as i had no clue what the question was trying to do…. and then introduced herself…and since i was like the shyest person at that time i mustve uttered nothing … have no clue what she mustve thought

Pavi : First year in the spring semester……outside the central library bike keeping area( ok i dont know what else to call it )….Me returning back in the evening to the hall and Pavi was going somewhere and parked her bike there ( ok guys bike = bicycle in kgp)…….and she said “hi sudeep” and before i could utter a reply she just walked off..leaving me dazed as to what just happened….of course everyone knew pavi in first year…but it was surprising that she even would talk to a guy like me…..

Orcieee : Spring semester First year….election campaigning….man i remember this time….. i used to run away from the hall so many times just to escape those boring seniors come and go on about how their candidate was good enough for the president of India and we should cast our vote to atleast get him or her to the g.sec post…….so orcie and charu come to my room and orcie starts this long speech about something and we were all amazed at how well she spoke…seriously orciee…..you should become a netaaa(minister)!!!

hehe i dont know what made me write this…but it was fun remembering how it all happened…..thinking up all the images in my mind trying to trace exactly who said what……wish I’d taken pictures and labelled them as “this is how it all began”…

Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward

Carmina Burana – Hollywood Bowl

Whenever I have to describe Carmina Burana to any Indian I meet I always tell them….do you remember the old spice commercial that used to have that amazing music in the background….that was the main theme of carmina burana…..here are the translations to the piece and im sure none of us would be able to understand why it was used in an aftershave commercial….

O Fortuna (Chorus) O Fortune

O Fortuna                           O Fortune,
velut luna                          like the moon
statu variabilis,                   you are changeable,
semper crescis                      ever waxing
aut decrescis;                      and waning;
vita detestabilis                   hateful life
nunc obdurat                        first oppresses
et tunc curat                       and then soothes
ludo mentis aciem,                  as fancy takes it;
egestatem,                          poverty
potestatem                          and power
dissolvit ut glaciem.               it melts them like ice.

Sors immanis                        Fate - monstrous
et inanis,                          and empty,
rota tu volubilis,                  you whirling wheel,
status malus,                       you are malevolent,
vana salus                          well-being is vain
semper dissolubilis,                and always fades to nothing,
obumbrata                           shadowed
et velata                           and veiled
michi quoque niteris;               you plague me too;
nunc per ludum                      now through the game
dorsum nudum                        I bring my bare back
fero tui sceleris.                  to your villainy.

Sors salutis                        Fate is against me
et virtutis                         in health
michi nunc contraria,               and virtue,
est affectus                        driven on
et defectus                         and weighted down,
semper in angaria.                  always enslaved.
Hac in hora                         So at this hour
sine mora                           without delay
corde pulsum tangite;               pluck the vibrating strings;
quod per sortem                     since Fate
sternit fortem,                     strikes down the string man,
mecum omnes plangite!               everyone weep with me!

A more "sensible" translation would be

O Fortune, like the moon of ever changing state, you are always waxing or waning; hateful life now is brutal, now pampers our feelings with its game; poverty, power, it melts them like ice.

Fate, savage and empty, you are a turning wheel, your position is uncertain, your favour is idle and always likely to disappear; covered in shadows and veiled you bear upon me too; now my back is naked through the sport of your wickedness.

The chance of prosperity and of virtue is not now mine; whether willing or not, a man is always liable for Fortune’s service. At this hour without delay touch the strings! Because through luck she lays low the brave, all join with me in lamentation!

The language is latin...The name Carmina Burana might not sound latin but its better than the name :

Carmina Burana: Cantiones profanae cantoribus et choris cantandae comitantibus instrumentis atque imaginibus magicis

OR

Songs of Beuern: Secular songs for singers and choruses to be sung together with instruments and magic images

Carmina Burana is structured into five major sections each of which contains several individual movements :

• Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi [Fortuna, Empress of the World]
• Primo vere [Spring] – includes the internal scene Uf dem Anger [In the Meadow]
• In Taberna [In the Tavern]
• Cours d’amours [Court of Love]
• Blanziflor et Helena [Blanziflor and Helena]

Within each scene, and sometimes within a single movement, the wheel of fortune turns, joy turning to bitterness, and hope turning to grief. And it closes with the theme O fortuna which is the same as the beginning therefore completing the movement of the wheel.

Virgo – The sign of loneliness

There was once a time I was really hooked onto zodiac signs …. not the predictions they made….but the qualities a person would have if they were of a particular sun sign…. i used to scoff at sun signs as well… i was a virgo..big deal……i had no idea what exactly a virgo symbolised…and when i found out i was astonished….it was really me…well maybe around 95 % me..

it’s fairly simple to spot the Virgo in public. For one thing, he won’t be making much noise. He’s not exactly garrulous, and he’ll stand out as a loner.

It’s not easy for Virgos to relax sufficiently to enjoy the carefree social swim, because they’re basically uncomfortable in crowds.

The first thing you’ll notice about the typical Virgo is the definite impression he gives that there’s a serious prob­lem on his mind he’s struggling to solve-or a vague feeling that he’s secretly worried about something. He probably is. Worry comes naturally to him. One might even say he’s affectionately attached to the habit. It’s an intangible thing, and elusive, but his delightful smile will always seem to be hiding some great trouble.

Virginian good fortune is always followed by five kinds of loneliness, and duty’s clarion call is never still within these gentle hearts. Don’t forget that the shy, wistful smile of Virgo hides a secret or two.

ok before i get sued for a copyright infringement case,……lemme stop and put in my own thoughts about these things…..what i really wanted to emphasize upon is the lonely aspect of virgos……theyre supposed to be thoroughly misunderstood and therefore are always doomed with a feeling of loneliness…..as though noone around them really knows who they are or what they want….. As Linda Goodman rightly points out…(ok im not generalising so guys they = me/I whichever is grammatically correct)…..virgos are affectionately attached to the habit of being lonely…..they will become loners and convince themselves that thats how they have to be….but secretly hope that sooner or later that the loneliness would disappear….in short …they are the dumbest people on this earth ( hence my orkut “about me” ) )….

Kabhi alvida naa kehna

I would never have thought that the first movie I’d see in the US would be a bollywood flick….but when you go abroad…everything indian becomes so much more enjoyable and makes you feel more like leaving this place and going back home….and the fact that that is not going to happen anytime soon scares the wits out of me….

anyways on with the show….karan johar movies always have that comedy angle to it which make the first part quite enjoyable…and always a star cast of shahrukh khan , preity zinta, rani mukherjee and this time abhishek bachhan, amitabh bachhan and kiron kher ….the actual story starts in the second half…and for this movie there is no correlation between the title and the movie….its about an extramarital affair……and all sorts of crap… i guess some people might be able to relate to some of the situations…….i know stuff like this happens all over the world….but its not something that arouses sympathy in me…….if you want to sleep with another person…call it off with the first one…..dont start playing hide and seek…..its just a waste of time….

anyways…anything to do with india..i get nostalgic…..so neways..have to go again…write later